An Hour In The Life Of A Security Guard

From Tom Rwahwire from those days of Plan B in Sunday Vision.



My name is Danger Serunkuma. Seriously. Why do people find it so hard to believe? Okay, I pimped it up a bit, but that’s my prerogative. Every one deserves a second chance at life so when I decided to stop being a vagabond/pick pocket/drug dealer/one-horse pimp and turned my life around, I also got a new name.

My shift starts at three. That’s what I’m going to take you through.


3:00pm I have a lot of energy. I am well motivated and zealous and I am willing to do my job thoroughly. I crack my knuckles to make sure my fingers are nimble.

3:01 pm I get down to the cement and do a few press-ups.

3:05pm The line of people waiting to enter the mall is getting long. But wait.

3:10 pm After my sit-ups, I stand straight, hike up my trousers, and stand at the gate. I scowl at them.

3:11pm A yuppie-looking fellow with glasses, a neat haircut, a blue button-down shirt from Mr Price or Woolworths and shoes which are still shiny even this late in the afternoon walks up. He is probably a well-paid professional working at a big company. I hate such people. Nuggu is mob.

3:12pm I make him remove every single item from his backpack and force him to explain what every gadget is. I spend five minutes alone on this thing he calls an iPhone. He tries to tell me it’s a mobile phone, but what kind of mobile phone is this which doesn’t have numbered buttons? Finally I run my big grubby hands all over his Mr Price/Woolworth’s wherever is not Owino-bought trousers, taking special care to hurt his genitals before I finally let him pass.

3:22pm I slap his bum as he goes.

3:23 pm The next person in the line is a younger man in jeans, sandals, a tatty t-shirt and dreadlocks. He has a laptop bag. I know such people. They bring their broke butts here, buy a soda and a meat pie, and make it last for four hours while they use up the free internet. He is a lower-income chap like me, but he wants to hang out in posh restaurants. Let me attack his genitals.

3:24pm Peeeeew!! The guy stinks! I wave the wand at his hip and pass him on. If he’s got weapons, he will shoot people inside, not me.

3:25 pm. Ah. The thing that makes my work a joy. A woman. A curvy woman. A woman with soft skin and a nice figure yes. I think I smiled and licked my lips.

3:25.09pm I put the wand down.

3:25.10pm I wiggle my fingers

3:25.11pm I lean forward towards her

3:25:12pm I touch her butt…

4:00pm I wake up in the first aid room in the back of the mall, my cheek is still stinging. All I remember is a scream, a sharp pain consuming my face and darkness.