A Ugandan Who Has No Friends. Oh No.

Good evening. Today I am going to show you a Ugandan.


People, that Ugandan there has no friends.

Nobody loves this person. Nobody is loyal, trustworthy, honest and kind to this person.

Everybody who knows her is a fucking snake. Bayuda are everywhere, you man. Everywhere you look, treachery and betrayal. They smile in your face but once your back is turned…


… and they see what your hairstyle looks like that, they don’t even bother to call you back, like: “Freda! Prossy! Susan! Jamilla! Nakabugo! Whatever Her Name Is! Come back, you can’t go out in public looking like that. It is bad for your image and for the image of the nation at large.

“You look like a waterfall made of dust. Kafuufu Falls.

“You don’t even need a helmet with a hairdo like that. KCCA, Traffic Police, no one will complain. Because the accident, evidently, already happened and your head has already been damaged.

“Donald Trump would look at your hairdo and say, ‘Eh mama! Some! Even me I want like thurt.’

“Other people suffer from marabou storks shitting on their heads. But for you it looks as if the thing dropped its afterbirth on you.”

No one told this chick that her hairdo is not even a hairdon’t. It is a hairnevereverever evereverevereverever.

Where did it come from? There was not enough money for horse hair, so you chose to have your piece made from hyena?

Why did she do this? We are supposed to be attracting tourists not scaring them away.

Ugandans, people lie and say we are a friendly and welcoming people. I assume most of us are (#IChosePeace ) but we have to learn to be honest with each other. Tell people the truth.

Tell them that they look like an age-old mental case file that has never been solved because every shrink who tried to examine it also lost control and ran screaming into the sewers begging the voices to let them go. Tell them that their hair is going to provide habitat for bats and flying cockroaches. Tell them that even Maureen Kyalya would disapprove, and after two debates that woman still hasn’t found anything too stupid to endorse. She even co-campaigned with Mabrezy, who is the most idiotbrokenpot thing democracy has ever produced. The man was told “Come to Serena at 7pm for the debate” and he forgot to ask “Which Serena?” and ended up at a lodge in Bakuli.

Fellow Ugandans, we have to tell our people that sometimes, just sometimes, they should not do it.

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That being said,


Do you love anyone? In that kivalentine way? If so, you might want to send them a letter and get it some fame and notoriety through Muwado.com’s annual love letter competition. Hit this link here and see.