Take Back Uhuru’s Car

  You may have heard that Kenyan president Uhuru Kenyatta lost a real life game of Grand Theft Auto Nairobi last week. Someone stole his car. A vehicle belonging to the presidential fleet of limos was stolen outside the city limits last week. Now. Really. Ssuuna, we know it was you. This has Ugandan written [...]

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Taxi Strike. The Untold Story. From the (or A) Horse’s Mouth

Taxi strike paralyses city. That was the news on Monday when industrial action by Uganda Taxi Drivers And Operators Association left many Kampalans stranded at their homes, unable to get to work. Most saw it as a painful inconvenience (or, if you have a car an awesome early Christmas) and much was tweeted. But nobody [...]

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Be My D. Recap. Short Boys Need Love, Too.

  Be My D., starring Anita Fabiola. And her hips which are brought to you by I Feel Like Chicken Tonight. The show begins by bringing out the array of homies who had been brought from the detention centres, rehab facilities and Lumumba hall to look for women who you would think should know better [...]

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Rules For The Cinema. Pay Attention

We have people who attend cinemas a lot these days, and this is both a good thing, because we get to watch Rocket and Groot, and a bad thing because other people get to do the same thing. At the same time. Annoyingly.   Development is about improving life, removing the flaws and working towards [...]

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Luluuuuuu… What Happened After

      Lulu : Just a minute. (glug, glug.) Who is it? (glug glug).   Mum: Did you mobile money me a quarter of the rent, Lulu? Is that where you get the right to lock doors in my house?   Lulu: Is the door locked? I have no idea how that happened. I [...]

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MTN, I Swear. Leave Me Alone. Go Away. I Don’t Want!

MTN is still doing it. Still shufflefooting around me trying to offer me tripe through their spam SMS. It so desperate and sad. It’s like you are following me around with cold damp boiled maize in a kibbo begging me to turn round and at least consider telling you to fuck off, WHILE I’M GOING [...]

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The Breakdown: Uncut

The net is buzzing with news of the new smartphone from Amazon, the Fire. In the meantime, excitement still abounds over the other new phones from the leading smartphone brands  Ernest Bazanye the geek discusses the matter with Ernest Bazanye the luddite. Q: Fire, Five s and S5. Why is the whole internet buzzing about [...]

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News Rounded Up and Whipped Like Lupita

What happened to the parliament pigs? Well, we hear that the police is on the case, investigating the little porkers with maximum thoroughness  to ascertain exactly what the hell it was that they were doing in parliament in the first place. What induces two piglets to recruit humans to take them to parliament? The police [...]

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Dear MTN, Get Off My F***ing Case

Dear MTN, I am not lonely enough to need an sms system to find friends for me. And even if I was living in the deepest darkest cave of Mhavura where no other human has set foot in eons, a place so remote that even the Bachwezi abandoned it, I still would not be interested, [...]

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Breakdown: The MAMAs Said Knock Chad Out

  Did you read last Friday’s Vision? I was in it. I am usually in it. This is my column there. Spot kko.   The MTV Africa Music Awards, also known as the MAMAs were concluded last week. They left in their wake a bit of controversy. Ernest Bazanye discussed the foofaraw with rabble-rouser Ernest [...]

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