Who or What Is National ID?

When you go to register for your national ID, because you should, you ingrate, after all Uganda has done for you, there are a few things you should know. Don’t forget the following. Uganda depends on this.   Ministry of Internal Affairs are not going to Photoshop your face for you, so if you want [...]

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Erias Lukwago’s CV. Just Allow You Guys

  As we said the other day when people on Google Plus were leaving comments without even clicking the link to see what they were commenting about (Really, friends, let us click one another. For the development of Uganda. We cannot stay backward forever.) Erias Lukwago is not going to remain Lord Mayor, that is [...]

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Bad Idea Uncut. How To Be A Better Ugandan

Today I will give you wise instructions that you can follow in your day-to-day struggle to become a better human being. Or I will try. It is not easy. The path of a writer is a perilous one, lined with pitfalls and at every turn. But I shall try my best to leap over these [...]

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We Want A Mayor

Elias Lukwago is out of office again. Isn’t that just heartbreaking? No it’s not? Nara fucks to give? But this is a modern city, dammit. We have to have a mayor. We are running around like a chicken without a hat. No, we have a head. Jenny Musisi is the head. It’s the hat that’s [...]

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Alcohol Not To Be Sold To Anyone Below 21 Years of Age

In the latest from Uganda’ scorching-hot ongoing series of dumb bill proposals we have this gem from the Ministry Of Health official Sheila Ndyanagangi who seeks to raise the age at which alcohol may be sold to Ugandans from eighteen to twenty one. Ndyanabangi argued that at eighteen a Ugandan is not mature enough to [...]

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Bad Idea: A Premio Is Not A Fancy Car

The bratty little boy with the filthy manners is an everyday occurrence here in Uganda. Familiar. Normal. All over the place we have Y chromosomes swaggering around mistaking for mere entitlement what is actually entitlement to several thorough beatings. But as long as they are below the age of 18, we just grind our teeth, [...]

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Be Patriotic, Or Go To Jail

Minister for the Kampala Frank Tumwebaze also MP for Kibale County  hasn’t been in the news much lately Minister for the Kampala Frank Tumwebaze also MP for Kibale County looked up from his iPad and realised this recently so, taking a cue from the new facebook thing he had got on the iPad he just [...]

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How To Use An iPad (Parliamentary Edition)

After we paid all our money to Apple so that our MPs could have an iPad each, it transpired that the doofuses didn’t even know how to use the tablets in the first place and needed training. So we paid more money for them to get taught. And only three showed up for the training. [...]

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Is The President Safe From Hyenas?

Our president, Yoweri the Excellent Museveni, is in Addis Ababa this week on state business. Presidential African Union stuff. The sort of thing presidents do with and to each other. This is all that I should tell you because beyond that you should not have a fuck to give, really, except for one thing.   [...]

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Who or what is Lupita Nyong’o?

    Now, over the next few years you will hear a lot more about this girl who has already filled nearly every breatheable inch of the glamorsphere since the movie 12 Years A Slave was filmed. But before we get into any further discussion we must nail one fact down. It’s Lupita Nyong’o, dammit. [...]

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